Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
