Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
