Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
