Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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