Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
