I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
