Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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