But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
