yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
