Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
