the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
