you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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