Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
