Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
