How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize