We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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