you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
