I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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