Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
