I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
