Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
