chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
