they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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