Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
