He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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