I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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