When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
now i know why i became what i already was.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize