Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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