So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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