oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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