Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
