btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
