i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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