Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
