Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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