are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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