Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
