i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
