I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
