Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
