i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
