whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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