3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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