It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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