How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
