Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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