I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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