Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
