You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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