life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
