I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
