If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
