just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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