i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
