I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
