YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
