careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
