i need an iv and a liver transplant
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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