Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
