I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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