I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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