The best revenge is premature balding
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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