you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
