I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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