actually, I'm a sock model
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
