I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
