bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
