Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
