i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
