i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
